I Love You Joanna Lannister
by Paranoid Emo Ranger
Summary: Joanna survives Tyrion's birth, and shares memories of her life with Tywin as they grow old together. AU.


_**I Love You Joanna Lannister**_

**PART ONE: Nights Like This**

Joanna Lannister woke up in the middle of the night, her husband in deep sleep next to her. She sat up from the side of the bed and put on her robe and decided to pay her three children a visit in their chambers. Without lighting a single candle the dark made it uneasy for her to find the bedroom door she slipped on the floor she was sure that the noise was loud enough for the entire Casterly Rock household to wake up but her thoughts switched to her son Tyrion. Joanna got up on her feet and she could only see the silhouette of her husband from the light of the newly lit candle, rubbing his eyes and offering her his free hand.

"Are you alright Joanna?" Tywin asked, genuinely concerned for her as he always was. The gesture reminded her of their childhood as he was always concerned for her as she was with him. They were cousins but Joanna Lannister knew what she wanted even then. "Come back to bed with me." He said, Joanna took his hand and led her back to bed.

When they laid back in bed side by side Joanna lit one of her bedside candles and turned to her husband, her thoughts shift back again to their childhood of when she was three and ten while he was five and ten. '_He's handsome.'_ she remembered thinking as she sat across him from the family table; it was when his younger brother Tygett was celebrating his eleventh name day. '_He's handsome but there's darkness in him.'_ and Joanna was well aware of it way before that merry day. Stafford, her older brother warned her _'Joanna, you better stay away from Tywin from now on, father is planning to arrange a union for you.' 'Is he? Am I just some maiden to be offered to some stranger?' 'It's not some stranger Joanna, it's one of our banner men.'_ then briefly her thoughts shift to what Tywin has been telling her all their childhood. _'Soon when you're old enough, uncle will arrange a union and marry _you_ off to someone who is unworthy of you.'_ Tywin's words echoed in her ear. _'But who in the Seven Kingdoms is worthy of me?'_ she remembered asking and all her dark, brooding cousin did was look into her Lannister green eyes.

"Are you alright Joanna?" Tywin interrupted her thoughts. "What were you thinking about?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her.

"I was thinking of visiting the children." She lied, knowing how Tywin hated that display of melancholy. "Tyrion is turning five in a few days." Joanna reminded him; the very mention of their son's name bothered him and she could see it but at least Tywin had grown accustomed to hearing it for the last five years. "I think he's just like you." Her husband rolled his eyes at her but instead of taking his gesture seriously she wrapped her legs over his and rested her head on his chest. The lady looked up at him and said 'You ought to get to know your son better Tywin, he wonders where his father is most of the time.'

There was only silence, it was nothing like his raging silence when they fought each other; it was calm and in an instant his square jaw tightened. Joanna knew too well it was because he had almost lost her, lost her life for their deformed son. Why doesn't he understand a mother's love for her child? She quickly remembered her aunt who died when Tywin was nine, and his father's mistress who helped herself to his mother's jewels. Tywin loved his mother; he was more like her for she was intelligent and cunning unlike her late uncle Tytos. Joanna lost no time brushing a soft kiss on his tight jaw that relaxed after she kisses him.

"Joanna I…" she placed a finger on his lips.

"He's part of me Tywin, as well as you." Joanna said her eyes on him. "You said once when we were children that we shouldn't care about what other people think of us." She started stroking the side of his cheek with her thumb as she did in early mornings or in the late evenings when they found themselves alone together. "He's very hopeful that you'll show up in his chambers and tuck him in at night." Tywin shifted his weight on her side as Joanna untangles her legs beneath their blankets; he wraps her closer to him. "He loves learning, and he reads a lot much like you."

"You almost died giving birth to him." He said silently as if it was enough for Joanna to stop and change the subject.

She was hurt by his words, using it to counter her request but at the same time she pitied him. What would her husband be like if she did die giving birth to their son? Would he be a monster or a man? Tywin was like no other, he was stubborn and he either gets what he wants or it's war which is why she was the one of the rare people who understood him, this was only because of their shared childhood and their mutual fondness for each other.

"I don't care if I lose my life for any of our children." She looked up at him again. "Sometimes I wish I understood you better, I really do wish for your happiness."

Tywin could feel her tears drop on his thin tunic which was why he quickly adjusted her body much closer to him.

"I have you." He said softly.

She feels her cheeks burning and turning a slight shade of pink at his words, this was one of Tywin's abilities that made him worthy of her as she would like to think. He could make her cry one minute and make her feel like a young maiden the next, but she kept control of her desire to kiss him. Joanna Lannister will not, she will let her husband yield first before she does so.

"Would you rather be a stranger to your son for the rest of his life?" asked Joanna with a frown.

Her husband was silent for a while.

"Showing emotions is weakness." He said.

"Not loving your children is worse than that." She said. "Please my love, give it a try."

He would not have done so if Joanna was not as stubborn as he. Tywin gave her a small nod in agreement. Lord Tywin ruled the Seven Kingdoms but was ruled at home by his lady wife, there was something about him that all of Westeros knew after all.

Joanna propped up her elbow on the bed and took his face with both hands and kissed him deeply only pulling away when she felt his lips curve into a smile.

"I love you Joanna Lannister."

"And I you, my love." Joanna replied.

It was nights like this that both Tywin and Joanna looked forward to, not talks about the lords and ladies, or the court in King's Landing or the Mad King's increasing paranoia; it was when they talked of family, of memories of the late Tygett, and Gerion, of when they talk of Tyrion's intelligence, Jaime's prowess with a sword and Cersei's beauty and ambitions. It was nights like this that were calm, and quiet when Tywin and Joanna slept peacefully in each other's arms and more so in the next sixty years of their life together.

**Author's Note: **Thank you for taking the time to read this fic, I know it's not much as the other fics on here but I seriously needed this ever since there was this fancast for old Joanna on Tumblr.


End file.
